Not Just a Letter
by Emerald Sage
Summary: When Harry, bored out of his mind, and ticked off at the world, decides to write his enemy for answers though he doesn't expect a response.  Said enemy, however, definitely has something to say to the brat he calls his nemesis. TwoShot! Rated T for Safety
1. HP

**I was writing this as my summer reading project for school. I loved writing it, so I decided to post it. It's a two shot. There's a return letter. Em =D**

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own HP!**

Dear Tom Riddle,

Oh, that sounds pathetic doesn't it? But really, should I write _**Dear Lord Moldywarts**_or something equally as inadvisable yet completely hysterical. And there is no way on Earth you are getting me to call you _**Milord**_, honestly, so don't even bother asking. Well, that is if you decide to respond-which I believe is highly unlikely, so I'm guessing you'll do it just to prove me wrong-and not just kill me while I sleep. Though, if you could find me, I think you'd have done it already. I'm rambling aren't I, oh well, what's done is done. Unless I start over, of course, but that's a heavy waste of parchment and ink, and prices are skyrocketing now that everyone knows your back but…I'm rambling again aren't I? *Sigh* Anyways (finally) I actually wrote you for a reason.

The Department of Mysteries is downright creepy; it's so eerie, especially the prophecy room. I suppose even a big bad Dark Lord can get scared of the dark *insert snigger*, and no, that's not a typo, I really did mean _*insert snigger*_. I'm getting off track again; it must be getting on your nerves...I would do it more often if it wasn't for the whole you-want-me-dead thing, although why I put it in hyphens is beyond me. Back on track: I do have a question, in fact, I have several. And since Dumbledore doesn't know-and is smart enough not to ask the source, unlike me I'm afraid- you are the only one with the answer. So combine my cat-like curiosity, a few spare pieces of parchment, a well of green ink, an over-protective owl, and an insanely bored Harry Potter, and what do you get? I'll give you three guesses, though none of them count, as you're technically reading the answer. Anyways, let's get back on track.

So, first question (I'm tempted to use a muggle saying, just to annoy you), why didn't you use the link earlier? I mean, come on, it was right in the middle of my History of Magic exam, the poor examiner thought I was having a breakdown! Why did you choose that particular exam? Why the exam time at all! Do you know how annoying the O.W.L. examiners can be when they're agitated? He nearly dragged me to the hospital wing! You do realize that if he had managed to do that, I wouldn't have been there; Madame Pomfrey would've stunned me to keep me in the hospital wing over night…hmmm, maybe I should've done that.

Next question then: how did you know I was there-in the atrium- and how on Earth did you manage to talk to me in _**my**_ head? Seriously, I could hear you egging me on, do you know how creepy you can…never mind, you probably do. Having a fifteen-year old point out your mental problems is probably rather agitating. *insert chocked laugh-my relatives are sleeping-* Last question: if you wanted the prophecy so badly, badly enough that you dragged me into visiting the DoM, then why didn't you _get it yourself!_ Seriously, might've saved some time and effort. And my _godfather_… (the last word was smudged).

Yours Sincerely (you wish),

H.J. Potter =D


	2. TMR

**DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN HP!**

Dear Insufferable Brat,

You've confirmed my long and tireless theory of your insanity brat; either that or you have a suicide wish. In that case, all you have to do is send me your address and I'd be happy to oblige you; one less nuisance in the world. But before we get into the matter of your death, wait, this is related to that, so do pay attention. Anyways, I _did_ read your letter rather thoroughly; after all, it isn't every day that your arch enemy sends you a letter. Not to mention brat, that my location is currently Unplottable, so I am curious as to how you managed to send a letter to me anyways. And that if your owl doesn't stop glaring at me, you might not have an owl when you get this letter. Oh yes, I forgot that the Order of Fried Chicken would be suspicious if I sent back a foreign owl. Pity.

I also noticed the multiple times you, _ahem,_ _**misspelled my name**_**. **I do believe that I have _warned_ you to _never_ call me by my ridiculous muggle name. I do, however, have to commend you on your nerve…either that, or your sheer stupidity. You addressed the envelope to:

_**Tom Marvolo Riddle**_

_**A.K.A. Lord Voldemort**_

_**Evil Unknown Place**_

_**Somewhere =D**_

Insane little brat, you are. Had you not thought about the possible repercussions of your actions? Did you even stop to think that the barmy old goat might be screening your mail like that foul toad you had as a teacher last year did? If any of _my_ Death Eaters discovered the letter through interception-not that I do that, it's just far too annoying, and I already know they don't tell you anything- it would've been burned before it would get to me, or maybe they would've read to humor themselves. And I certainly don't want them to realize my muggle heritage, even though my Inner Circle already know, since you felt it you duty to inform them. Thank you _so much_ (I'm sure you can read sarcasm as well as you can speak it, brat). It matters not, however, because I wiped Bella's memory of my half-blood status, and I will do so to the rest of my Inner Circle, should they make it out of Azkaban in one piece. If they don't, this won't be the last letter you get. And the next one won't be _just a letter_.

Now, on to your questions. I can practically see your shocked expression, brat, so close your mouth and read. *smirks* Let's start with the History of Magic exam, shall we? I know Binns; he taught me when I was at Hogwarts. Even _I_ fell asleep in that class, brat, and you were already sleepy; it just took a bit of persuasion for you to take a light nap. Were you aware that you were already half-asleep when I sent you the vision? It went perfectly, and it would've stayed that way had Dumbledore not interfered *growls*. You would be dead or captured and I would rule the world, such a lovely thought (I can _see_ you making faces at the parchment, Potter, _no, _I'm not in the room, spying on you, though that thought is just as nice…).

Your other two questions are just as easy as the first one. I was egging you on through our link, it was tremendously satisfactory to watch Dumbledore's little Golden Boy tarnish while using an Unforgivable. It was quite powerful, and despite what Bella said, it _did_ hurt her, though she was reluctant to admit it. And to your last question; why should I bother doing it when someone else could do it for me, it was much more fun to see you get in trouble, brat. Now, are you satisfied, you little menace, because if you are not, the next letter won't be a _letter_.

Sincerely (you'd better),

The Big Bad Dark Lord


End file.
